Reunited – 7 Years apart
This is the time of year I reflect as its always a time of change. Every Christmas for years i always felt a gap in my life, now however, now I love this time of year. Getting prepared for Christmas. I love coming home from work, closing the curtains at 4.30pm and sitting around the dinner table eating warm winter food with my family………
Have you lived apart from any of your children?
I remember patiently waiting at the airport. My heart was racing, my body felt numb. I didn’t know where to stand, sit, look. My big baby was coming home for good. Yes home…..for good 😉
The decision to send him to live with his Grand Parents in the West Indies didn’t come easily. The plan was for him to attend private school and receive private education from his grandmother, and his father & I would start an empire which would benefit us all. Oh I do remember the day his father took him. I felt the same way as I explained above, numb and my heart was racing, didn’t know where to look, sit or stand. I do remember thinking have I made the right decision? That doubt didn’t last long. I knew he would be safe and happy. I kept comparing it to parents who send their children to boarding school and other parents who work away where the grandparents became the main carers. How about those parents who feel that they are are not coping and ask for Social Care support. It must all be a similar feeling, right? You are living your daily life without your children.
To constantly explain your decisions to others is like being unsure of making them.
The amount of people who told me that I made the wrong decision and ‘how could I do that as a mother’. Those comments really hurt; all I wanted was support not criticism. The nights I spent staring into my sons room thinking ‘what have I done’ then remembering he’s happy and to be honest what a lovely experience for him. Three years of age is a good age for a child to transition and and learn something new.
How can you feel so close to someone but yet so far?
I visited my son often and each time was difficult. We always had a close bond (moms and their sons) but yet I felt so far away from him. His emotions and daily needs were being met but not by me. This was so difficult to comprehend. I visited as his mother always stocking up his wardrobe and taking him to hotels in the school holidays and we had so much fun however, there were always something missing. I mean how can I lay down the law and put rules in place to a child I don’t live with. How can I make MY son laugh or know how to comfort him when I don’t live with him. How? Each year felt harder and each year I questioned the decision – this was selfish of me I know but naturally you would, right?
The Transition
The preparation was fun. On Valentines day my partner (who my son had not met yet) and I were putting up his bed – i’ll rephrase that – my partner was putting up his bed and I was drinking prosecco whilst eating strawberries listening to 80’s music. We decorated his room six months before he was coming home. I know I am a super organised person but my thought process was that if his room is ready it will all feel real.
You have to listen to your gut and your children
My son had told me on my last visit that he wanted to come home – the words
‘I want to come home to be with you mommy’
These words were like music to my ears – the warmth I felt. At that time of my life I did not have my own home and I was living a single life. My partner and I spent 2 hours nearly every day at the gym, I worked full time and I went on trips and holidays when I wished. Thinking back it was all filling an empty space. I had to rethink and get my act together. Searching for a home was the biggest obstacle as I knew where I wanted to live and I knew which school I wanted but it all seemed unachievable.
Thoughts are Things.
I achieved everything I needed to months before. It took two jobs and perseverance but it happened.
My boy – My boy is home
The moment he walked through the airport he looked lost and unsettled. He must have felt like an alien on a different planet. He didn’t look like my son – how could he when he hadn’t lived with me for 7 years. I needed a second to process – I had flashbacks of when I gave birth and the first 3 years of his life to that moment – I felt lost and unsettled. Ok what do I do, what do I say? How do I start this new relationship? I don’t want him to feel overwhelmed but I want to remain consistent with my approach. I wanted it to be right, to be perfect at once. We are talking about humans here – not going to happen is it?
24 months later and it has been a rollercoaster ride – this is another Blog in itself but for now I will say the best decision of my life or should I say the best request of his life. I always tell him that he is special and has experienced something a lot of people want and to embrace.
Life isn’t black and white we should all remember that.
Sally wilson
November 12, 2017Beautiful emotional words Emma – I can’t wait to read more xx
Big love to you all
admin_elj612
November 12, 2017Thank you so much your kind words mean a lot xxx
Priya
November 12, 2017And what a blessing he is! He is always so respectful towards me and I enjoy our little conversations about his likes and dislikes! Credit to you Em and Jason for the effort you have put into his re-adjustment to the UK! X
admin_elj612
November 12, 2017And thank you for being support with Tayjuan’s journey. It hasn’t been easy as you know but we/he has been lucky enough to have positive friends like yourself in our life xxx
Ann Marie Johnson
November 12, 2017This was very touching & heart felt, this must have been very difficult decision for you at the time, the numbness, feeling loss behind the smiles….You are a strong person Emma & l am overwhelmed your son had returned to make you & your family complete, all the best for the future ahead…. enjoy
admin_elj612
November 13, 2017Thank you Ann Marie your words are warming to me – all the best to you too xxx
Samantha joseph
November 14, 2017Sat reading this blog sis brings back the memories beautiful felt very emotional i cried reading the blog but am so happy that your life is complete so very proud of u sis very touching blog xxxx
admin_elj612
November 14, 2017Thank you Sammy so much, you of all went through that lost transition with me but everything happens for a reason. Life is a journey and we have to embrace what it throws our way.
Mich
December 3, 2017Fantastic insight not that I don’t know or empathise with your journey but the main thing is that you’re a fighter/warrior, lots of love to you always Mish xx
admin_elj612
December 12, 2017Thank you so much for your feedback really appreciate itX