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December 2017


Growing Through a Phase?

Growing Through a Phase?

When you’re interest changes from weekend shopping centers and Sunday hangovers to crisp village walks and roast dinners….

There’s a time in life where you will question your life choices. You will wonder why? What if? And most of all did I make the right decision? Everyone will have a moment of self doubt and a moment of self belief. It’s called living the life of a human.

I’ve been reflecting on my adult journey of late because I’m going through my next ‘phase’. You see, I believe that we live by phases. Different phases at different stages of our life’s.

Phase 1 – Thinking you’re always right…

There was once a girl who always thought she was right. She would spend to look good not to feel good. She would make life changing decisions without consultation or without even listening to her inner voice. She only heard what she wanted to hear and most of all decided what was right by her own thought process as opposed to collating a few.

That girl was me!

I think back now and chuckle as I can pin point every moment I knew I was making a bad judgment call. Times when it was too late to change my decision; where I was too proud to admit I was making the wrong ones. Asking myself why was I making these choices? To understand the thought process and to understand the feeling behind the thought process is what I didn’t know how to do. Now I understand. My automatic reactions, I guess, was a way of shielding my insecurities and hiding from my unsettled childhood.

Being in control of me is what I thought I was doing to protect me as who else would?

Phase 2 – Making memories & mistakes 

A fancy car at 22 with two basic household incomes and a baby, I mean really? Days you can’t afford to eat because you’ve paid your mortgage and ….. car finance. When I think back I don’t regret as the memories were great however, it wasn’t a wise choice to buy such luxury to look good when I still had home improvements and a large nursery bill to pay. By this phase of young adulthood I thought I knew it all (phase 1), you make decisions on what you THINK is right. Actually I’ll rephrase that – what you WANT to be right… I think of this because I was talking with someone the other day who said ‘you’ve taken a step down haven’t you from your fancy car days’. I smiled and shook my head; my response was rather clear ‘I’m richer than I ever was but not what I’ll ever be’. I proudly took ownership of the pretty lengthy conversation as I asked the questions ‘do you need to promote expensive materialistic things to show your riches’? I think I’m not alone when I say – never show your pocket as it’s personal. This is something I had to learn….

Phase 3 – Putting phase 2 into prospective

Working hard is what most of us do. We work hard to live. How many of us can live well without working hard first? So I suppose it’s trying to find that happy work/life balance. Something I still have yet to figure out. I work hard and on those days/weeks I possibly can’t put the energy I would like into my family; my home. The difference in phase 3 is that now I work hard for my children as opposed to the next designer bag I fancy buying. As we become responsible we need to think responsibly but most of all become responsible for ourselves. Take advice, seek support and make informed decisions to benefit your unit not just yourself. Think to the future. How do you see and feel about yourself and the decisions you make, not how do others perceive you. The good will always come forth. God will see to that.

Phase 4 – Understanding ones self 

This phase is refreshing and beautiful. I’m only 35 but what a wonderful age it is to be living in this phase; to have a ‘grip’ of yourself. I’ve spent the last 5 years becoming the most philosophical minded person about life but most importantly about me. I have an understanding of who I am which gives me great comfort and such confidence. I go to work do my job then come home and become me. That feeling of warmth you get from living who you are makes a huge difference to who you become and who you are around. It’s not easy understanding yourself as who has time for that. The days are so rushed and our

commitments consume us

but at some stage we have to learn why we behave in such manners, why we think in such ways and why we act in the way we do. This helps us to understand ourselves in the third person. How do we act and love as people? Do we like who we have become? and is this benefiting the life we wish to live… on the contrary, is this present phase of mine the person I will be forever? Will we ever know who we truly are? Do we just accept who we are in the here and now and if it feels good go with it as, let’s be honest, do we ever stay the same? We are always growing as people, through our journeys and our phases.

So the lessons I have learnt are, whatever phase you’re in, at whatever age, it’s important to reflect, self care and most importantly share love…..The rest will come…..

Enjoy growing through your phases 🙂

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