The Gift of a Prayer
We all live a life of speed, comparisons and ungratefulness. We think about what will happen next, what we want and what will happen if we don’t get? Well the past week has definitely taught me to think nothing but the opposite. It has taught me to think of the now. To think of what I have, appreciate what I have achieved, but most of all the gift of what I have produced……
…..That moment when I walked through the hospital room door where my 1 year old son lay. I knew I shouldn’t have gone home to take that shower. So what if I hadn’t slept and if I smell. So what if I was in the same underwear as the morning before, I shouldn’t have taken that shower. The scare, the feeling of anxiety it gave me, seeing all those professionals surrounding his bed.
As I walked through the door I dropped my bag on the floor. It felt like my heart was stuck in my throat. My eyes filled up as I had to kneel on the chair in front of me for strength so I could stand. All I heard was ‘the need to transport him’ and ‘Breathing Machine’ – this was worst case scenario but at that moment I didn’t hear anything in-between like ‘when we receive the blood tests’ and ‘we will do everything we can so we can manage him here’. Its crazy how in a time like this when you should unpick and hold on to the good, you only hear the bad.
….Nothing can prepare you for the unexpected. My son has previously had problems with his breathing which we manage with his inhalers. Bronchiolitis , a lower respiratory tract infection that affects babies and young children, especially in the winter months, is what my son has had twice before so me and dad are familiar with the signs but this time it was different; a lot more severe along with 2 viruses and wheezing of the lungs. When we visited the doctor they sent us home with his inhalers, to monitor. The next day we were in A&E to then go home with his inhalers to monitor. The next minute we are on the Paediatric ward with oxygen tubes, regular intervals of two different types of nebulisers, steroids and antibiotics. Your baby has a cannula in his hand to enable him to be fed his nutrients and he’s so lethargic you can’t recognise him. A child so young looking so helpless, so weak and you as his mother/father can’t do anything other than hold his hand and pray he will be ok.
My baby will be ok, won’t he?
…Babies surely can deteriorate very quickly but similarly bounce back just as fast. From being on the High Dependency ward, where we had hands on, round the clock care, to coming home in a matter of days. This can only be down to the NHS staff; every single one of them. From the volunteer who brought him a toy stethoscope which gave him his first smile of the day, to the staff nurses who did an amazing job with his day to day health needs, to the many consultants we met along the way who showed consistency, thorough explanations and quick decision making, all resulting in our special little boy coming home. Yes he is still poorly but we are able to manage this ourselves as parents.
We have to say a huge THANK YOU to
Laura – A Staff Nurse at Barnsley Hospital. Laura, you my dear gave us the strength at night when we were exhausted. You really showed what a NHS nurse should be and we really appreciate and admire you as a woman. Twice we have met now in these unfortunate circumstances and both times you have only but given credit to the NHS.
Aunty Sharon and Grandma – Through prayer our son gained strength. The evening after you visited I saw a significant improvement. I don’t use these words lightly when I say God is good – the gift of prayer.
The gift of prayer.
Everyone who messaged and visited – you don’t realise how many people care until you need them. If it’s to bring in your washing, look after your other child/ren or to just say ‘I’m here’ – every little/lot helps.
This has been one of the most unsettled, worrying and sickening moments of our lives. Who cares if I put on half a stone? Who cares if I can’t afford to buy that bigger house or if my brogues don’t match my blazer? Who cares about getting that picture perfect? None of it matters anymore. All that matters is that my Boys have health and strength.
Bronchiolitis signs I look out for
- A persistent dry cough
- Noisy breathing (wheezing)
- Stomach ‘caving in’ when breathing
- Brief pauses in their breathing
- Not wanting to feed
- Having fewer wet nappies
- Being irritable/continuous crying